Thanksgiving edition

What are we thankful for. We aren’t thankful to God and family. You don’t choose your family, you don’t choose your parents, brothers and sisters, your aunts and uncles. You may have a lot in common with them and they may or may not be jerks or you get along with them. Your parents don’t choose you. Your family is hit or miss. There is a lot of common experience. Everyone has a family. No one alive doesn’t have some family, plus they may be assholes and jerks. You may be an asshole.

What about health. You’re blessed if you have health. Everyone listening is going to die. We’re all going to die. I’m a big healthy strong MF. I haven’t been sick more than 2 months that I’ve been alive. As you get older you start falling apart and that’s natural. If you are 20 and have leg cancer, that’s bad. But most people have all the health they can use. We were designed to be healthy.

What about God? Oh the god with all the floods, famines and disease. What about the wars, poverty and stupidity. If there’s a god, can’t he raise the IQ? We are surrounded by idiots. Idiots in the morning, idiots in the evening and idiots at supper time. When people say they are thankful, they are mostly full of shit.

Thankful to live in a country with a government like ours? Oh a government that lies to you into an unnecessary and unwinnable war. One thing I am thankful about our government is that we have free uncensored speech. That I can come on radio and call my show Lyin’ Cockscukers.

I made a list of things I’m truly thankful for and one of them is freedom of speech. That I can come on and say any god damned thing I want to.  And I will. I won’t be censored by Sirius or the government. I am a free man alive on the planet earth speaking what I believe to be the truth.

I made a list of five things I’m truly thankful for.
#1 Masterbation. I am thankful that I have 24-hr unlimited access to the equipment and I know how to use it and have been since I was 13. Oil and Jiz towel. You can pleasurize yourself as often and much as you want to.

#2 Go Carts. Ever been to a good go-cart track? Out there racing your neighbor, your cousin, your brother or maybe your manager named Bullethead. It is a joy. It makes you glad to be alive. And by go-carts I mean all motor sports. NASCAR, demolition derby, monster trucks, Evil Knievel. 

#3 The greatest band in the land. Creedence Clearwater Revival. The true sound of the American nutjob. John Fogerty is the perfect combination of Howlin Wolf, Buck Owens, Little Richard, Jimmy Rodgers and Steven Foster. I’m talking good music. Hearing Fortunate Son, that moves me. When I was a little boy in Danville VA. Me and my dad couldn’t agree on anything other than loving CCR.  This includes all great music like the Clash, the Pogues and the Replacements.

#4 BBQ. I’m talking one of those NC/VA BBQ sandwiches with vinegar sauce. Chopped pork, maybe a little slaw. Turkey my ass. Give me some pork BBQ. I am truly thankful that I can eat pork BBQ.

Pussy, that’s what I’m truly thankful for. You know at halftime at football games. Someone should hold up their chicken wing and say I like food and I like pussy. I also like drugs. Booze is a drug. I’m talking about psychedelic mushrooms. Open the doors of perception and see the world for what it truly is. Is there something wrong with the phones is that why no one is calling in? It’s 11pm on the East coast. Who’s going to call in. Some crazy guy, that’s who.

I made another list. Good books are great. If you go to there is a reading list there. But let me give you three names:
Robert Anton Wilson
Nick Toshes
Greil Marcus

Read those books. I haven’t begun to talk about Deadwood or Twin Peaks or Director John Ford. These are things that make me who I am. I exist for my family. I have to take care of my family and I do. My job as a parent is to teach them how to go forth in the world and make their own way. I don’t want to control my child’s life. I want to keep them out of harm until they get old enough to make decisions for themselves and I want them to make those decisions. I want them to be free of me. Remember when you were 18 and you left home and thought “I can do anything”? I am FREE.

Robin in CO
R – I’m just outside Aspen. I’m thankful for living in beautiful CO and for guys like you being on the radio. I’m on the way back home from my parents and you’re hilarious. I really like some of the things you’re saying.
M – I’m thankful for being in a country where I can say these things. People always warn me, “Mojo, don’t go to far”. I’m not having any fun unless I’m going too far. I ain’t interested in staying behind the line.
R – who wants to be politically correct anyway.
M – life is too short to worry about offending someone. Let them tell me. Explain why you’re offended. Don’t write it into a law.

John in Philly
J – I’m thankful for sex, drugs and rock and roll. I am the crazy hopped up guy. I just got done with the family dinner, lit up a little green
M – some herbal self medication? Those family gatherings can be a little taxing. One of the problems is that older people remember you as what you were doing when you were 12. In their mind you’re still that age and haven’t gone out into the world.
J – unfortunately I was a real asshole at that age. So they still look at me like that.
M – Did you want to talk about Hunter Thompson?
J – I just wanted to say that I’m thankful for him and the Dead Milkmen, and them turning me on to you with that song “Punk Rock Girl” and ever since then I’m a big fan of yours and I’m glad you’re on Sirius.
M – Play the Jingle Smells and we’ll get the ISDN back up.

Jingle Smells song. ad

Apparently there are technical problems on Thanksgiving night. Apparently someone hit the wrong button. This is a special thanksgiving edition of LCS. What are you truly thankful for. I’m thankful we can have a farting jingle bell’s song. There’s a lot of splatter. Sounds like there is a lot of blowback.

What about the TV remote and air conditioning. It is good when you’re drunk and eating BBQ ribs.

Dave in Philly
D – Not sure who you are or what’s going on and heard no one was calling so I called? I’m thankful for that I can drive down the road half-shitfaced and I’m going to get another quart so I can go home and get totally shit faced and not be out hurting anyone.
M – Drunk drivers make the rest of us look bad.
D - Drunk drivers that don’t know how to drive make us look bad.
M – Liquor stores and bars seem to have parking lots in them.
D – when they close, you have to go somewhere.
M – After you have a few drinks you may want to get some poontang.
D – I haven’t been laid on over a year.
M – we need to get you some pussy.
D – help me out
M – are you being overly selective?
D – hell no.
M – ugly women fuck better. They aren’t worried about messing up their hair or their makeup. They’ll fuck the shit out of you.
D – Know what the best one is. A fat, ugly, tattooed woman. Heat in the winter, shade in the summer and moving pictures all the time.

Rick in CA
R – I’m thankful I grew up around the same time you did and I got to take some good drugs when drugs were just drugs, instead of all this chicken shit now.
M – I have a drug problem and it is called supply.
R – Me too, and it is my demand. I used to like taking a big fat line of something and when you did something you knew you had some drugs. Except pot and mushrooms, they are sort of staples, but this other stuff is useless.
M – I’ll tell you a story about my band. We were playing in TX and somehow the drugs we got were stepped on about 9 times. We almost killed ourselves and died. Once I snorted up some borax and had sex with a goat, but I don’t want to talk about that.

# 5 of what I’m thankful for is the first amendment.

Micha in KS

Mi – I’m thankful for birth control. The last thing I need is a bunch of little motherfuckers like me.
Mo – what we need is a male birth control pill that is good the morning after that is good for two states away.
Mi – my grandfather says there is a make pill, called pulling out. But that didn’t work too well for him
Mo – that’s how they got your daddy
Mi – that’s what I hear.
Mo – pulling out is like those porn stars. My wife asked what I wanted for Christmas. I told her one of two things. Either the cat to start talking, or I want one of those porno freak dicks that those guys in porno have. My wife said I couldn’t have a foot long dick since that would be a lot of competition for her, so she’s going to work on getting the cat to talk.
Mi – that’s the way to do it, or you could just fuck the cat.
Mo – you always hear these stories of people having sex with animals, I always wonder what the animal is thinking. With horses, the horse pussy is huge and you have a guy in there, is the horse thinking that this guy doesn’t know how to fuck shit.

I love sports. I’m a sportsaholic. I wrote a song “High School Football Friday Night” and I love football. Football is the perfect sport and sport is nothing but a metaphor in the US for fighting a war. I was born in Chapel Hill NC and grew up in Danville VA. Here is a story from Andy Griffith talking about a football game in NC.

Dane in NC
D – I’m near Myrtle Beach.
M – My grandma is from down near there.
D – I can get a beach house whenever I want. Number one is pussy. It is at the very top of my list.
M – are you pro-pussy
D – oh yea. That and firearms and ganja. There is nothing better than rolling the stickiest weed and tearing some shit up.
M – the perfect day would be some weed, some pussy and some firearms.

8-ball in KY
8 – I’m in Banksville near the edge of Hell. I’m thankful that the bible and all organized religions are bullshit. Otherwise I’d be fucked.
M – you’re worried about going to hell
8 – I’ve been to hell and back
M – we’ve talked about religion a bunch on here and it has done as much bad as it’s done good. For ever nun out there helping the poor there is another out there teaching people to hate.
8 – and priests fucking little boys
M – people always talk about god and how we’re blessed. Couldn’t god do something about stupidity. It would seem we should be working towards more smart people.
8 – I’ve driven trucks for years and my first boss told me, you can’t fix stupid.

Matt in Indy
Ma – I’m thankful inbreeding is alive and well as is evidenced by your last two callers. I’d be thankful if someone would publish a guide to the stripper laws from state to state. You go to St Louis and for a $1 they touch you all over and swipe credit cards down their butt crack. And you go to OH where I’m originally from and it is a 6 foot rule.
Mo – who has a 6 foot long dick.
Ma – you’re talking to him. It’s Matt from Indy.
Mo – you’re dick must only be 5’ 11” because you don’t like the 6’ rule.  In some states you can be completely nude if there’s drinks. In others you can’t drink if they’re nude. Some states its 18 others is 21. We need some kind of guide to poontang for the travelling man.
Ma – All I want to do is go out and spend a dollar, slap some titties and do a little dick slapping upside some lady’s head. They earn their money, god some of the guys they dance for. But I’m driving around with a brick of weed in my car all the time and I don’t need suspicion.

Tim in VA
T – I’m in Richmond.
M – My sister lives in St James. Do you need a wife?
T – that’d be great.
M – I’ll talk to her later. Sometimes when she gets liquored up she balances a beer can on her head and takes her bra off inside her shirt and sneaks it out her sleeve and swings it around her head. That’s when you know you’re going to get some Tim.
T – As a first time listener, I’m thankful for a station that can keep me awake on a long drive.
M – the fact that I can say anything and there’s no censorship, it is truly great that we can have something like this.

I’m surprised no one has said porno. Maybe those guys are busy right now. Did I mention Mountain Dew. I’m addicted to Mountain Dew. People think it is drugs, but it isn’t. I was on a train in Norway doing a EU tour and I had a psychic meltdown. A complete psychic break. I’d been in Europe for three weeks and hadn’t had one Mountain Dew.  I’d drink Pepsi or Coke and something that looked like Mountain Dew. I’m thankful we have Mountain Dew in America.

Jerry In Ontario
J – I’m thankful you’re back on the air again.
M – I’ve been back on for 2-3 months now. I was on stars on Friday afternoons. I never found out why.
J – that’s what I wanted to ask you about.
M – it seemed to be a scheduling thing at Sirius. I went on and did all this ranting and raving about how they didn’t want the truth out but it turns out that maybe they got real busy and forgot about me. But now I’m back on the air speaking the truth and feeling frisky.
J – I nearly drove off the road the first time I heard the show. I’m thankful for porno, masturbation and marijuana.
M – no one’s mentioned advil. When I wake up, a bit hung over I take about 4 advil, eat a candy bar and drink some Gatorade and I’m back, ready to go.
J – I had to stay up late to listen.

Rick in IA

R – I’m thankful for beef jerky, animal porn, and my three inches of solid dynamite.
M – sometimes does that turn into 2.5 of semi-soft whiskey dick.
R – no it’s always a solid 3
M – now what kind of animals do you like in animal porn.
R – animal porn is animal porn, sheep, goats whatever. We have a lot of animals here. We pork in IA, we pork.
M – have you ever participated.
R – I haven’t, but I’ve watched and I can get off on it.
M – have you ever seen the video of the woman sucking the horses cock and then puking up all the horse jism?
R – only about 8 times.

Jim in El Paso.
J – Blow Jobs – hell yea
M – you don’t want to gag her.
J – also dope and whiskey.

Thanks to Sean for coming in on thanksgiving night.

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