Presidential Candidate Rumors - What's the big LA Times Presidential Candidate story that they won't leak?.

Something big and secret is going to come out. Who is it? What is it? There’s a lot of hinting that something is coming, but nothing has come out.

One of the big candidates is about to be caught up in a big scandal. Ron Rosenbaum is breaking the story on his blog about how media insiders are sitting on a story about a candidate.
Second blog entry on it

This rumor is supposed to be really juicy. If you look close enough you can see hints in the reporting of the campaign. What’s he talking about? That narrows it down to 7 candidates. Hillary, Barak Obama and John Edwards on the Democrat side and Giuliani, Romney, John McCain and Fred Thompson on the Republicans. I don’t want to limit it to that. I don’t care. Any candidate and it doesn’t have to be a sexual scandal. You can throw Ron Paul in there. Even Dennis Kucinich, maybe you think he was abducted by aliens and got the anal probe.

I don’t care which candidate. It doesn’t have to be sexual. I have a list of all the rumors but I’m not going to weigh in right away. But I’m going to let you go first. The next question would be, “Does it matter?” and who would it hurt?

Call in 866-4-RAWDOG 866-472-9364

I’ve got 20 things off the internet, but the one I like best is on Mitt Romney. You know he’s a Mormon. And most go on a mission where they go off and knock on people’s doors and ask if they’d like to know about John Smith.  Mitt Romney’s was in France and while he was there, he sired an illegitimate, gay, albino son. Now would this destroy his campaign. It was on the internet. See where I’m going here? What about Hillary or Barak. What about Rudy. People know a lot of dirt about him, some of this is due to be true.  Pick up the phone and give a call.

Who is about to be knocked out and derailed? Maybe some of you heard. Maybe you have a friend or a cousin who’s heard about it in DC. I want to hear from you first.

Doug in IL
D – I think it is Hillary in the library with a candle stick
M – that’s one of the rumors, that Hillary’s been having an affair on the campaign with one of her aides. Do you think that’s possible.
D – Hey it could have been the librarian.
M – also, Hillary went to an all girls college, you know what that breeds
D – carpet munchers
M – yup, are you pro or con carpet munching?
D – Uh, I like the lipstick ones.
M – what about the manly looking ones who can light a match on their hand and kick you ass?
D – They should just stay in the closet.
M – I think everyone should be out having all the fun they can have.

Eric in NJ
E – I have one Sirius and one fun. One is Giuliani is obviously a lying cocksucker, let’s just be honest about it. But the funny one is that Mitt Romney has a wife tucked away in a cabin somewhere in Utah.
M – You know Mitt Romney is a Mormon and his grandfather left the country to continue polygamy. And his father was born down in Mexico which makes Mitt a Mexican. That is true. Maybe it doesn’t make him a Mexican but just a descendant of one but he might have a who bunch of wives.
E – He’s just too perfect of a candidate. He’s too smooth.
M – Mitt Romney reminds me of Jeff Gordon and Jeff’s a robot built by Yankees to infiltrate our southern sport. I think Mitt Romney might be a robot.

Rick in Louisiana
R – I don’t think the media sits on anything. If they have a story they’re going to run with it.
M – The guy who wrote this, he claims they’re sitting on it but they aren’t sure it is relevant to the campaign. So it may not have anything to do with politics directly, but with the guy’s personal life. In the comments of the blog they all say it must be a Democrat if the LA Times is sitting on it and that they wouldn’t sit on it if it were a Republican.
R – you and I know. I’m 53 and you’re 50. When we were younger homosexuality was a big no-no, but that’s gone away. I think the only thing that would really upset the voters is a child predator.
M – Man you’re going. Some of the articles I read today said the only things that would upset the voters was homosexuality and race relations. What if say Barak had a white girlfriend? That confuses everything. The other is that one of the candidates might be a homosexual.
R – Then again it is still more acceptable than it was 20 years ago. I don’t think that part would affect people in the voting booth.
M – it does if you say you’re a traditional family values conservative
R – I agree there. It’s two Republicans who came out, if it were a Democrat no one would have cared.

Ed in NJ

E – My source says that Hillary is having an affair and her partner has a bigger dick than Slick Willie and that it is Rosie O’Donnell’s
M – Are you saying Rosie O’Donnell has a clit like a hotdog?
E – According to my sources
M – You have secret sources? Are they in NJ or DC?
E – DC
M – DC sources. Don’t you think Hillary could get someone better than Rosie O’Donnell? [ed. Like Bill with Monica.
E – Like Barbara Streisand?
M – Can you think of one more for me
E – Roseanne Barr

There’s been rumors for a long time serious and not that Hillary has been a lesbian. There is also some talk that it has to do with Bill Clinton. We haven’t gotten to that yet. What on earth could Bill Clinton do that would upset the apple cart. Would he have to fuck a goat live on TV? And not a good looking goat, but an ugly one? What could he do. If he’s cheating on Hillary it will just sent more people her way. Poor Hillary, Men are pigs and Bill is the biggest pig of all.

Comedy Clip


Steve from WI
S – I think it is Fred Thompson. He started a hooking chain in senior homes.
M – What did he do?
S – Started a hooking chain. We need to talk to our grandparents to talk about safe sex.
M – Fred Thomson has some things to be embarrassed about. One he was a lawyer and two he was a lobbyist. Three he went out with Laurie Morgan. I don’t know if you followed country music back in the 80’s but Laurie Morgan is the hardest meanest. She looks like a retired prostitute that got wore out chasing troopships. Plus, he is an actor. How come every other actor is probably what?
S – Gay?
M – yup. Gay gay gay gay gay!
S – What actor doesn’t exude that “I love cock in my mouth”

D – It is Hilary Clinton and she’s a lesbian.
M – do you have personal knowledge about this?
D – of course
M – do you have a group of girls there with you and you’re just leaving a lesbian sex party from Hillary Clinton’s house?
D – Actually I’m her personal stripper and we’re on her way to her house. We have a nice toy show for her.
M – Does Hillary like to do it with a strap-on?
D – Yesssss. She likes it from behind. She definitely likes to give it.
M – She likes to give it and she likes it from behind?
D – She’s definitely the man. I’m definitely the princess in this. I’m the lipstick lesbian in the relationship.
M – What about in the butt?
D – She loves it in the butt. Hillary Clinton loves it in the butt. She’s like a man.
M – Someone said it earlier. She has a clit like a hotdog.
D – yes she does. Very hotdog like. Kind of like turkey folded.
M – there we go. We have all the facts from Diana. Apparently she’s on her way over to Hillary’s house right now.

Vinny in Long Island
V – You have it all wrong. Hillary has no sex, the problem is her husband. They have security tapes of him going out with Markie Post. You can mark that down.
M – Bill Clinton is going out with Markie Post?
V – I have it from security cameras from a friend of mine.
M – Really? This will be coming out and you think it will hurt Hillary Clinton?
V – yes, because in the bible belt it will be unacceptable.
M – if you were Bill would you be banging Markie Post
V – hell I’d be banging everyone
M – Are you pro-poontang?
V – of course
M – Now do you think these sexual scandals matter when it comes to running the government?
V – If you are going to run the government, you have to run it with authority. If you can’t control yourself you can’t control the country.

It’s time for you to call in. Now no one has said anything about John McCain. Some people think he’s like the Manchurian Candidate. That he’s secretly a communist and a traitor to his country and embrace communism and hook up with the Chinese or something. I saw this on the internet, I’m not making it up.

We haven’t gotten to what I think is the big one. I think it is Rudy Giuliani. Not only was his first marriage to his second cousin. He’s on his third marriage, and if you don’t remember between number 2 and 3 there was a little difficulty and his wife kicked him out of the mayor’s house there in NYC. And when Rudy was between 2 and 3 he lived with a couple of friends of his who just happened to be homosexual. And Rudy Giuliani as you may have seen in these pictures is dressed up in full drag. A full cross-dresser. I think he may have had a gay relationship. With the other guys off in the back sucking dick every which way and suddenly one slipped into his mouth. Maybe there’s a picture of it or something. I believe the big bombshell is that he had a gay fling. He probably got drunk and thought like a lot of guys, “as long as I’m pitching, I’m not a homosexual”.

The other rumor about Rudy is that he’s related to Mussolini.

Tony in panhandle of OK
Tony – I think it is Hillary and I know it is because I deliver farm animals to her house.
M – A well hung goat or is she like Catherine the Great who likes a well hung horse.
T – actually it is pigs. They seem to do the thing for her.
M – this is just a rumor from Tony here that Hillary gets it on with farm animals. Do you have any evidence, or video evidence of this there Tony?
T – yes I do, about two hours of video with pigs and an hour with German Sheppards.
M – what about bill?
T – Bill likes to watch.

Comedy break

David in NV
D – I don’t care who’s fucking who as long as they aren’t doing it to me
M – what if it is someone you want to fuck you
D – That’s my deal
M – that’s your prerogative
D – well I’m not Bobby Brown
M – Now you’re going to need a little crack if you’re going to be Bobby Brown. A lot of people think Clinton getting his dick sucked by a 20-year old intern had nothing to do with running the country. But, with …
D – I wish someone would suck, uh, who’s our president? That Bush guy.
M – you think Bush needs some pussy
D – I won’t say what he needs
M – let’s say it is John Edwards and he’s got this sick wife. What if he’s caught cheating on his wife. That’ll kill his campaign won’t it.
D – what’s the name of your show?
M – are you saying that all politicians are lyin’ cocksuckers?
D – Uh, have you heard of Ron Paul
M – yea, he’s a libertarian Republican from down in TX. Not afraid to speak his mind and the truth about the war in Iraq.
D – No one will listen if you tell the truth.

Jason in NY
J – I actually work for Hillary’s campaign. I’ve got a cop pulling me over right now.
M – so you’re going to have to get off the phone?
J – No I’ll still talk and I have a ton of drugs in the front seat so this should be interesting.
M – Who is the candidate who’s about to get busted in the press?
J – it is Obama. We know the story and it will probably hit on Monday. You may be talking about a different story.
M – I’m talking about the rumors that are floating around. Are you saying that a story about Obama will break Monday? Was he gay in college, what is it?
J – Obama goes to massage parlors, Rudy goes to massage parlors. You go around Manhattan and they are all going to them
M – doesn’t a man like to get his Johnson massaged?
J – oh this cop is flashing me to pull me over. If he pulls me over we’re going to do this live on the air.
M – Jason you wouldn’t be bullshitting a bullshitter.
J – absolutely not. In fact I’m going to put the cop on the phone.
M – is his name officer Obie? Are you sitting on the group W bench?
J – now he wants me to pull over. Fuck that, I’m not pulling over, I’ll flash my Hillary badge.
M – so you think it is Obama going to massage parlors.
J – No, there’s an Obama story coming, I can’t tell you what it is.

You know one of the problems with being a bullshitter is that you attract bullshitters. And we have a whole bunch of bullshit going on

Blake in MO

B – I think it is bigger than what you originally thought. And it will cross parties. That fine young wife of Fred Thompson. I think she’s banging Obama.
M – you think there’s a video tape of that or something
B – Thompson sits in the corner and watches. He’s trying to get in on as his vice president.
M – Thompson said she wasn’t the trophy wife. She’s a lot younger, the second wife, is better looking.
B – I hope he gets in just so we can look at her the whole time.

Chris in CO
C – I think it is Giuliani doing any chick on the planet. After 9/11 anyone would do him.
M – I think Rudy is cocky, and there is no telling what he did.
C – I saw him pull stuff together so fast, it was unbelievable. I actually left my ex-wife for that. She told me she would fuck him after that. What am I supposed to?
M – Your wife said that?
C – yea

Wayne in ID
W – I think it is funny Hillary and Bill didn’t divorced after all that junk and while Bill was sending clam chowder down Monica’s throat, she was playing with her starfish under the desk.
M – oh, I forget which comedian it was. They were saying Hillary should have been knocking Monica out of the way.
W – Yea, everyone is a little cocky in this race. And I think they all have cocks.
M – if you look at the polls right now, the person with the greatest chance to win is Hillary. What do you think about that?
W – Scares the shit out of me.
M – I don’t like it for two reasons. One, I don’t think we need another Clinton. Two, I don’t think the first woman president should be the wife of a husband president. The first woman president’s husband should be an architect or something. A wrestler or a tri-athlete. Put another Nixon in the Whitehouse because Mojo’s not a dick.
W – There you go

Adam in OH
A – I got it for you. Barak has been cheating on his wife and religion. He’s been dating Lisa Lampanelli and goes against his religion by eating that stupid pig.
M – I don’t know how he’s going to get Lisa Lampanelli into this show, and Adam’s done did it. You think when she’s having sex she’s smoking a cigar and scratching her balls.

Comedy break

We haven’t talked about John McCain’s illegitimate black son, or Mitt Romney’s illegitimate French son.

Jim in MA
J – It has to be Mitt Romney, he lied through his whole governorship
M – maybe he has a couple wives
J – no, he flip flopped on the whole gay marriage thing. I think he’s a pole smoker if you know what I mean.
M – he does keep his hair really neat. Same with John Edwards. $500 for a hairdo and you might be a fancy lad. Heard about his gay albino son rumor? Or that he’s a robot.
J – no, haven’t heard that. Unfortunately he got elected in my state, so I don’t have much more to say.
M – I thought he was from Michigan, how’d he get elected in MA. Must be slimy to be a conservative businessman and get elected in MA.

Elisha in KS

E – Has to be Hillary. But I don’t think it will be the LA Times, it will be Rush.
M – if everyone knows, how can they break it.
E – She’s a lesbian, you have to be to be married to Bill.
M – you know she went to Wellesley in MA and has a real good looking assistant.
E – I’ve been told that for years. The crap about the men ganging up on her is bullshit. I’m a truck driver I just tell them to shut up. It just brings everyone down. Couple more things. The first female president is going to be assassinated and then Bill will get all that sympathy and be able to do whatever he wants.  He’ll be with the Hooter girls all the time.
M – who’s going to assassinate Hillary?
E – I don’t know.
M – what if Hillary is the nominee and Obama is the VP
E – Well people don’t like change, and nothing to with race. The first non white mail president will be assassinated.
M – you have a harsh view on life.

Bill in Canada
B – Romney is getting in with Giuliani and Giuliani is figuring he can have all three wives at the same time. He’s been going to Romney’s hair stylist to see if he can get a comb-over for his eyebrows.
M – They were showing pictures of Rudy 10-20 years ago. He didn’t have good hair then. Must be killing him that Edwards and Mitt look like the 5th Beatle.
B – According to Monica, Hillary’s clit isn’t like a hotdog, but more like a pickle and very salty.
M – This is all speculation on the part of the listeners.
B – She’s a big skin canyon yodeler and Bill’s always into it. He used to organize circle-jerks with the Senators and Hillary was always the bucket.

Dave in TX
D – I have videos coming out of Bush’s ranch of Hillary getting gangbanged by the Bush administration
M – including Dick Cheney?
D – Yes, Dick’s wife and Bush’s wife there with a strap-on taking it to her.
M – think it will hurt her chances.
D – yea, here she is a hardcore democrat and she’s doing Bush.

John in DT
J – they found the photo of Hillary and she has a dick.
M – you think her pecker is bigger than Bill’s
J – that’s what I always say. Who’s going to be giving head in the oval office then
M – so she won’t be the first female president anyway. She did have that baby. Are you saying she’s a he-she. I was in this bar in New Orleans and a bit drunk and making out with one and nothing makes your dick go soft quicker than when you realize you’ve been kissing on someone who’s a dude.
J – that makes the jack come out the wrong way quick.
M – the best part of the story is that my drummer just moved on and he didn’t seem to mind.
J – I’d hate to speculate, but I’d bet that Barak or Hillary have been caught doing something funky.
M – I’m just glad I’m not running for president, because I don’t want anyone looking. No No No No.

I want to thank Sean the Jersey Devil for producing the show back in NYC.


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